Lending a Helping Hand!

“There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way 

to make life beautiful for others.”

― Mandy Hale

I was at a business workshop recently and wanted to share something that has resonated with me to this day.  The concept of asking for help is something that we all face in life, whether it’s from a personal or professional perspective.  The individual leading this workshop posed a question to all of us as attendees: “If you need help with something, how do you ask others for help?”.  They walked to a participant and asked the question, “Can you help me?” and the answer was open for the taking, so the individual simply said, “No”.  The facilitator then modified the statement to say, “XYZ Person, I need your help” and their response was an automatic, “How can I help you”.  I’ll come back to that in the blog post details.  What I took from it is that sometimes people are looking to you for help and may not know exactly how to ask you or they may not ask because they fear it will be an automatic no response. 

I’ve been in my professional career (post-college) for 20 years and although I don’t have all the answers, I can be vulnerable and tell you that I dread asking others for help for that same reason as above, I’m fearful they will say no out of the gate.  There’s not enough room in this week’s blog post to solve that conundrum and I think when we all dig deep into our genuine selves, we want to help and may not know exactly how that help will be received by others or we may simply think that “Someone else will do it”.  

As we embark on deep thinking surrounding asking for help and helping others, I wanted to challenge everyone reading this blog post to find ways to help others even when they don’t ask or may be fearful of asking you.  It does require a bit of empathy and emotional intelligence.  I know that all of you have been on this blogging journey with me from day one and I trust that you all can show the most empathy and emotional intelligence in everything you do!

My personal journey in life has been focused on helping others.  I wanted to offer a few tips/scenarios that may inspire you to lean into helping others on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis.

1. Help in your most needful times when you’re personally feeling weak - When I think about reaching out to help others, I go back to a common philosophy that we can’t care for others if we don’t take care of ourselves first.  I’m a constant work in progress and will admit that some days, I don’t do the best job at self-care, even when I see others take advantage of their own self-care.  My goal in life, however, is to still truly be selfless and to offer help to others when in some cases, I may need more help than them.  There is that life fulfilling passion I have to see the best outcome for others and feel their gratitude when I lean into helping them grow into a better tomorrow.  I’m self-aware that even when I should be taking care of myself first, I feel called to help someone else in need because I can see the instant impact it makes on their lives and the life of others.  If you’re feeling the calling to help others when you may need the most help of everyone, I would encourage you to help where you can, but don’t overextend yourself as it may take you longer to recover from that act of kindness.  Life is never perfect and it is never black and white.  Once you do lean into helping others, give yourself permission to then help yourself in return.  Practice self-care, seek counseling (if needed), and get plenty of rest each night.  You can change the lives of others and still give back to yourself in return.  I know you have the power to influence your own lives and the lives of others!

2. Help when no one verbally asks for your help - No matter where you’re at in life and no matter where I’ve been in life, I’ve exhibited a healthy amount of empathy and emotional intelligence.  In a nutshell, I can walk into any room, coffee shop, diner, store, school, you name it, and feel the non-verbal energy of the room (whether it be positive or negative).  I can tell right away who’s hurting, who is in need, and who may simply be making it through one day to get to the next.  In so many of those cases, there are people who want to be helped, and due to prior life experiences, may have been guilted by asking for help, shamed for reaching out to ask for a helping hand, or even lost their confidence when they asked for help, and others told them no every time.  These are the situations that help me grow and I again feel called to reach out and help someone in need.  Whether it’s family, friends, or complete strangers, I get so much satisfaction from helping someone who may need a small or large task.  It fills my bucket and another one of my life goals is if I can impact at least one person on a daily basis in a positive way, my job is done for that day.  The small wins turn into the big wins over time.  If you see me showing the most empathy and emotional intelligence in a room or in life with my friends/family, you’ll know why.  I hope this motivates you to help someone today, tomorrow, or next week, who may need help but is too afraid to ask. 

3. Help when no one else will raise their hand to help others - Volunteering sometimes can come with a negative connotation.  As I mentioned earlier, there remains the common life philosophy that I don’t need to raise my hand to help others because someone else will always raise their hand and I won’t have to do it.  I know full well that all of us can be stretched thin by over-committing on things in life, having other commitments that take priority, and feeling worn out by the current life environment that can be negative in more ways than one.  I’m not here to judge anyone and I know that we all can lead with a positive intent knowing that there are many out there who want to serve and want to help with the little things in life that can impact someone in a positive way.  I’m not advocating in any way that you should always raise your hand high and proud for all the big tasks in life, but what I would say is that when someone else doesn’t raise their hand for something you may be an expert or extra knowledgeable in, my challenge is to not be afraid of that yes answer.  You also may have opportunities in life where that call to volunteer may come back to help you ten fold in life.  None of us ever know the true veracity of what anyone is going through at any point in life.  Let’s all lead with positivity, grace, and understanding in our calling to offer help to others when others won’t lean in right away to help.

One thing that I hope you’ve learned today is that it’s ok to help others, if you do need help, a simple phrase of “I need your help” can go a long way with others and help them in turn build trust in you over the long haul of life.  The beauty of life is embracing our genuineness within ourselves and with other members of society.  Positivity is needed every day in this world and when we know that others can benefit from our strengths and subject matter expertise, there is more positive light spread throughout the world.  I know you all have so many strengths and abilities and I hope you lean into those strengths to help others in any way possible this week!

Keep growing and know that I truly believe in you always!

• Ryan