Connecting Through Conversation

The world has changed and so have we.  What brought us here today will continue to get us through the next decade.  

My story begins the Summer of 2020, amidst a global pandemic.  We were told at work that we would be home for two weeks, take everything you needed from the office, and we’ll reconvene at a date soon.  What we didn’t realize was the impact of the pandemic and that we ended up being at home longer than expected (years). 

Two things came to mind for me during the pandemic and our work from home posture.  The first was surrounding my own health.  If I was going to be home for a long time, I needed to prioritize my health.  I set out a goal to work out every other day on our home elliptical machine and determined that it would be a non-negotiable for me.  We often lose sight that the benefits of physical activity can truly turn our mindset into a positive strength of ours.  I’ve continued to carry that habit forward each day and even more recently.

The second thing that I recognized early on was the power of human connection.  Being held down by working from home day by day, I quickly realized that I would need to intentionally connect with others, even if it meant setting aside 30 minutes each week to connect with a current co-worker or someone new. 

There were three things I learned through my virtual connections and I wanted to share, in hopes that you’ll remember them for your current and future conversations, whether they are in-person or virtual.

1. Everyone loves to tell their story: When you enter a conversation like I did, I made it my intention to truly stay curious.  I would ask them about how they got to where they are today, what they’ve enjoyed most about their personal/professional journey, and what hopes/dreams they are still working towards in life.  I’m a huge proponent of taking time each week to dream about where you want to go in life, so that when it happens, you’ve already prepared and know what it looks and feels like.  I also am a huge fan of constant learning.  Each virtual conversation that I had during the pandemic took time, energy, and patience as I learned about others and myself.  I enjoyed the fact that a simple conversation turned into learning new concepts, life realities, and also stretched my empathy skill.  During these moments of sharing, even when virtual, I could truly feel the two way sharing of empathy and that each of us were excited to share more and learn about and through each other.

2. Everyone has fears: The pandemic was a scary moment in life that I hope we never have to return to.  To be honest, I had so many above the surface fears and twice as many below the surface fears.  When I would chat with others, I also learned that they had just as many fears as I did.  As we both walked into a new conversation, there was a recognition that even if there wasn’t a solution uncovered during our conversations, we both felt better about sharing our fears so we could in a sense, flush them out of our system.  We are taught in life to never have fear, never show the chinks in your armor, and to say yes to everything because “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”.  I learned through many conversations that none of us truly have it all figured out and even the people we interact with in life who appear to be strong and fearless, have fears bubbling to the surface that they can only see.  I’ve always been someone with high emotional intelligence and do feel that intentionally connecting with others awoke those senses inside of me even more.  Following those experiences, I now walk into every conversation assuming a positive intent for others, and better understanding up front that the person I’m chatting with is fearful and looking for authentic/genuine support from me. 

3. Opening up can be challenging, and it does help build trust: I’m a huge fan of a well-known author, Brene Brown, who speaks at length about vulnerability.  I’ve learned over time that when you connect with others (either informally or formally), if you’re not open and vulnerable, they will not give themselves permission to be vulnerable either.  During every interaction I had during the pandemic (and even today), I always open up every conversation with a guarantee that whoever I’m chatting with is free to be authentic and vulnerable.  You can then tell that their guard goes down, they feel more relaxed and they build trust with you that much more quickly.  If you’re experiencing something challenging in life, there may be times where someone else is going through that.  When you share your most vulnerable emotions, they will do the same.  I promise even the most painful conversations/interactions are hard at first and they will help you grow in more ways than one.  When you both create and participate in a judgment free zone, others will appreciate you for giving them a space to share.  

I’ve found that being a constant learner helps you build adaptability in life, transparency in sharing with others, and adapt to the changing world environment around us.  I have so many great connections I built during the pandemic and many that I still periodically connect with even today.  

My challenge to you this week is to identify a co-worker or someone you’re wanting to get to know better in the workplace, and schedule an in-person or virtual coffee chat.  As you enter that conversation, remember to be vulnerable, open to learning new ideas, and build a judgment free zone for the benefit of both parties.  

Send me an email after (ryan.seematter@grownupjob.com), and share 2-3 words of what that interaction felt like and anything you learned.  I would love to hear more and I respond to all emails you send within 24 hours.  

Always remember that I believe in all of you, you have the power to influence positivity in the world through your daily interactions, and your smile can change the world, one person at a time!

You matter so much and were born for greatness!

• Ryan (a.k.a “Ryno”)