Empathy in an automatic world

“Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself.”

• Mohsin Hamid

  
  

Imagine a typical weekday…you walk into a busy coffee shop.  Many full tables, many conversations, and a balanced split between pairs of individuals chatting along with individuals working on their computers or reading with their headphones on.  You look around the room and don’t quite spot an open table yet.  Will you have to lean into your extroversion and sit at an occupied table with someone else or will you embrace your inner introvert and wait patiently for a table, corner, chair, or even high top without a charging port for your own peace of mind?  As you order your coffee, you notice that there are a few people leaving that are likely continuing their busy day.  As you sit down at a nice, lush table that has a power cord extension on it and two open power ports, you look around the room.  Your curiosity kicks in and you immediately lean into your empathy strength to think about what each table member or table mate may or may not be going through in their lives.  With both the strength of emotional intelligence AND empathy, you instantly pull in all of the coffee shop room feelings.  What do you feel and what are you most experiencing as you move your eyes from table to table?  Keep reading below for the answer to that question!

1. Two people chatting and laughing - The perceived stars of the show appear to be a table of two people who appear to be friends, laughing, chatting, and smiling from ear to ear.  They are obviously taking in the moment of a positive day and cheering each other up through their laughter.  As you look closer though, you do see them getting up to leave and as they hug each other, their eyes fill up with tears.  Have they just lost a family member, are they struggling to embrace their mental health, or are there tears of joy from a long lost friend that was reconnected through their conversation?  I don’t want to ever assume and I’ll leave it to you all as readers to determine what their story is.  What I can say is that empathy has always helped me understand others and see past the assumptions of life.  Whether it was a positive moment for the pair or a bright moment of recovery from a tough week, we’ll never know.  What we do know is that by using empathy on a daily basis, if we were chatting with them directly, we would be able to read the room even more easily and would also be able to meet them in the middle to better understand their emotions.  If you don’t think you have empathy, go to your local coffee shop and observe various tables, and I promise you that you do!

2. Someone sitting by themselves with headphones on - A common occurrence that I’ve seen in coffee shops (myself included) is the single person occupied table with a laptop, tablet, phone, or maybe all three.  The person sitting there normally has headphones (or wireless earbuds) on and is jamming away while typing, reading, or just taking in a great cup of their favorite coffee.  When I think about how empathy can help read between the lines of this individual, on the surface, you can see this person acting either serious, determined, or just happy go lucky.  Introversion is a real thing and I lean on it a lot.  In this scenario, some would fall prey to assume that this person is living their best life and remaining successful in life.  I think this can often be the case, and I would also remind you to think through any other scenarios.  Maybe they are writing their last research paper for grad school and happy for it to be over.  They could also be re-writing a paper for the third time in hopes they will finally graduate or pass a class they failed for the almost third time.  Lastly, they could also be taking a break from life for self care to enjoy their favorite coffee house beverage and preparing their mindset for the upcoming week.  Empathy allows you to leave all those scenarios open and embrace a growth mindset.  If you were to interact with them in any way possible that day, you could again lean on better understanding what they were preparing for rather than assuming the affirmative or negative scenario.  As I’ve continued to embrace empathy in life, I’ve recognized that I don’t have it all figured out and knowing that I have so much more to learn in life, keeps me humble and helps me to fully embrace hearing people out.  You would be surprised at how much empathy and active listening helps you to truly understand and inspire others.

3. Someone worryingly making a phone or facetime call - The last table you glance at appears to be a downtrodden individual who has a sad face, visible emotions, and a worried look on their face as they attend to a phone call.  Whether it’s a phone or facetime call, I would encourage anyone who encounters this scenario to preserve their space and privacy, however you’re always encouraged to bring empathy into your understanding.  As you think through what may be occurring in this phone call, it could be related to a job loss, a bad breakup, or someone who is hearing back on a job interview or important life decision.  While you can’t walk up and tend to their emotions in that moment, you can think through scenarios of how you best support them.  It’s during these times of highly visible emotion that you realize that no one is immune to daily challenge, no matter how many times they appear to be fine in the moment.  We are all going through setbacks and I would love for you to fully reflect on this final example as a way to bring empathy to every interaction you have on a daily basis.  We’re taught in life that we always have to have our best selves in every situation and have to be polished overall.  We are free to be who we are, express our emotions fully, and embrace the best version of ourselves daily.  Walking a mile or two in this person's shoes will help you to prepare for the empathetic moment you may have with your family, friends, or another complete stranger down the road.  I know you all are fully capable of showing emotions to help others and you are now empowered to activate your empathy and emotional intelligence to tackle any of these examples.

If you’ve made it this far in today’s blog post, I hope you’ve soaked in all of the positive inspiration to remember that we all have different life moments and emotions and all deserve an ounce or two of empathy.  Every day is a battle and we are pushed to the limits in every way possible, whether that’s positive or negative.  No matter what happened today, the day before, or what will happen in the future, know that every day is a reset and you don’t have to be the person or scenario you were yesterday or even five minutes ago.  Mindset does matter and with the official kickoff to 2025 happening recently, I trust that you all will continue to grow and I’m looking forward to hearing all about your growth this year!  Keep me posted and share your growth moments or send me a direct message (via LinkedIn, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook).  I would love to hear from any and all of you.  I appreciate your support always and wouldn’t be where I’m at today without all of you.  You matter and are all diamonds in the rough so know that I see your true value and worth daily!

Keep growing and know that I truly believe in you!

• Ryan